No one seems to understand. No one cares about my experience. No one, not even my partner or family, feels the depth of this pain. The world just keeps on spinning. Everyone just keeps on living… yet I’m stuck feeling like I’m screaming in the dark and no one can hear me. Does this sound… Continue reading Solo Dolo: Feeling Alone in Grief
Two years ago, today, I was admitted to the hospital knowing it would be the first time I met my daughters, and the last time I would see them. Two years ago, today, I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life and honestly, my heart is still on the mend from that experience. I wish… Continue reading Two Years Ago, Today…
When I was younger, I had all kinds of ideas about what kind of mother I wanted to, and was going to be. Largely, this was modeled after my own mother’s way of mothering me, but it was also a commitment I had to showing up for little life (or lives) I created in all… Continue reading This is What (Bereaved) Motherhood Looks Like
Have you ever noticed how OBSESSED people are with babies? I mean really, think about it for a sec… People will speak to a baby before they speak to that kid’s parent. They will ask you when you’re going to have children if you’re partnered and why you haven’t “settled down to have some kids… Continue reading Everybody Wants to Talk About the Baby… Until They Don’t
Have you heard of this before? It’s mega common in my circles because of the type of work I do but it’s also a common phenomenon in general for a lot of folx. If you haven’t heard of it, I’ll give you a definition below: Imposter Syndrome: the feeling that your achievements are not real… Continue reading Imposter Syndrome: Are You Really a Mother..? A Woman..?
This time last year (6/6/17), I was conducting an audit for work, rubbing my slightly protruding belly, and excited about whether we’d be able to see the sex of our babies at our ultrasound & testing appointment at the Antenatal Testing Unit later that afternoon. I also was slightly concerned because of some leaking I… Continue reading Angel-Versary
It's that thing you say when you think folx won’t understand or when you simply don’t feel like explaining something to others. Sometimes it’s the thing you say when you’re trying to make sense of your position but in truth, it doesn’t even fully make sense to YOU so, it’s complicated. It’s been a while… Continue reading It’s Complicated…
It’s that time of year where folx decide to make resolutions for the coming year. The time when people proclaim who they’ll continue speaking to, who’s getting cut off, what kind of changes to the diet their making and fitness goals to work out more. Some people focus on setting better boundaries for themselves while… Continue reading APR’s (Angel Parent Resolutions)
Weeks…. Months… years… decades even… Time has passed since your loss. Maybe you’re still a wreck. Maybe the days have gotten a little easier as they drag on. Maybe you’re somewhere in the middle. Maybe you can look at the old ultrasound photos… the “mom-to-be” cards… the pictures after they were born and maybe, maybe… Continue reading When Is It Time?
There are a lot of things I miss about being pregnant but there are a select few that really stick out and feel ever-present as this year comes to a close. The consistent intense feeling of grief fades a bit over time but the shorter, intermittent bursts of sadness are hella powerful even 6 months… Continue reading 7 Things I Oddly Miss…