black angel moms, grief & loss, Trauma of it all, Trying to figure this all out

Two Years Ago, Today…

Two years ago, today, I was admitted to the hospital knowing it would be the first time I met my daughters, and the last time I would see them.

Two years ago, today, I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life and honestly, my heart is still on the mend from that experience. I wish I could say that it gets easier but really, it just gets different.  Well, no, the truth is that some days ARE definitely easier than when the loss was fresh, and there are still days that can feel just as hard as the first few weeks after their passing.

So what’s helped? It really depends on what the end goal is. If you’re looking for things that help take the pain away or make you forget the loss, or simply to not feel as impacted, I’ve got nothing for you. For the record, usually things that do that, are short-lived and probably not the greatest for you, so try to avoid them when you can. What has helped me is feeling loved, supported, and like my girls were/are remembered. Check out my list below of things that have helped me survive these two years as an angel parent:

  1. People acknowledging my daughters and my motherhood
  2. People remembering to mention them on holidays like Mother’s Day
  3. Friends who listen and check on you when they know you’re having a bad day and even when they think things are fine
  4. Blogging, writing, creating things in their honor
  5. Speaking about this type of loss to help increase awareness
  6. Support groups (in person & virtual) & retreats
  7. Ritual  & spiritual practice (candle lighting, tarot, mediums)

Some other, more personal and less visible things have been:

  • Meditation
  • Yoga
  • Wearing or carrying my crystals
  • Writing letters to the girls when I feel moved to do so

These are things I don’t often involve others in as it feels important for me to have alone time with myself and with them in spirit.

These two years have been hard y’all… I will not lie to you. Even though we have another child, even though so much time has passed, even though I get what I believe is confirmation when the girls are around… it’s still been super hard.  I’ve made it though. I’ve made it through this angel parent life with tears and frustration and fear and hope and resilience and drive and purpose… and love. Pure, raw love. Isn’t that how we all get through this..? By loving our babies even when we may be struggling to love ourselves or anyone else. That’s all I can do… when I don’t know what else is certain in life, I know that my love for them is, and that wherever they may be, they feel it.  

Thank you to everyone who has supported this blog, supported my girls, and supported me during this period. If you read this, consider doing one or two kind things today. If you feel like sharing it here, or messaging me, please do <3. Also, what’s been helpful for you since your loss? Share with us in the comment section below!

2 thoughts on “Two Years Ago, Today…”

  1. Excellent reflection! I miscarried early on and finding the “space” in the world to talk about it has been challenging. However, the blog you posted on Mother’s Day was so apropos. I felt seen and validate and I appreciate that.

    After my miscarriage, I was angry, paranoid, sad, anxious and depressed. I gained like 40 pounds, couldn’t sleep. Horrible time.

    As a Christian, prayer has been my life saver. Also, therapy!!! LOTS OF THERAPY! Lol. Also, I changed my diet to a plant based whole food diet and that has worked wonders along with my faith and therapy.

    Thanks for your transparency. Very helpful and needed!

    1. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your story Melanie.
      I’m glad to read that you have found some solace in your faith and in other ways. Losses like these can really do a number on you mentally, physically, and emotionally.

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