7 Gems - You're Welcome, grief & loss, Trauma of it all, TTC (trying to conceive)

The Body Remembers: Clearing What We Hold

I helped to co-facilitate an amazing event this weekend. It’s a yearly get together for centering, validating and healing which has proven to be one of the things I look forward to most despite my grumbling about being outside in cold weather. So many gems were freely given and received during the day-long event but one that I will mention here, is about the places we hold trauma and pain.

For femmes (people who identify with the feminine energy) and for people with uteruses… uteri… (is there a plural form for multiple uteruses?) anyway, people with a uterus tend to hold trauma and pain in that particular region of the body. Sometimes it’s sexual trauma which seems obvious, right. But other times, it’s not a sexual trauma. It may be emotional pain, it may be internalized messages about ourselves and our bodies, about legacy, about fears and hopes simultaneously… our bodies are policed in a lot of ways. Both by ourselves and by society so we often hold these external experiences internally.  It’s my belief and experience that these things manifest physically (think, psychosomatic).  Have you ever felt really stressed and/or worried? Ever notice how you tend to then develop headaches, neck and back pain, stomach problems of the bubble-guts (“bg’s” shout out to Mike Epps for that gem!) as a result? Yeah… things manifest in those ways so we have to be mindful of what we do to care for ourselves & clear out that gunk. Holding these traumas in your body can block your creativity, your sex drive, your digestion, your productivity, your sleep, your metabolism, etc.

Experiencing perinatal loss is a trauma. I mean, obviously it is but I think sometimes people think once the physical experience is over, there is only emotional grief to contend with. That’s not true. The body remembers. My body remembers the pain and the birth and the loss. I notice it around the 7th & 8th of every month whether I’m consciously thinking about it or not.  My girls were born on the 7th and passed on the 8th. There’s a somatic sadness that comes over me. Sometimes I can push through it and other times I have to just be IN it and ride it out. Sometimes there are even physical pains that come around this time but a consistent feeling of not-right-ness has occurred for me. In some ways, it’s made me feel very disconnected and paradoxically super in tune with my body-memory. That plus the whole ttc process can really make you feel a bit dissociative.

I think I may have mentioned some of these things before but below, I’m going to give you a list of things I’m actively doing and planning to do in effort to re-align, re-center, re-connect, and remove some of the things I’ve been holding in my body. Maybe they will help you too.


This one is probably the most obvious as the practice of reiki is dealing with life force energy, rebalancing, removing and improving energy health. Ask for recommendations on who you should see and definitely do a phone consultation first to clarify your needs. Most professional reiki masters (and acupuncturists) will do this with you anyway so they can target their treatment to you.


Seems simple and obvious but it’s really NOT. People do not seem to realize just how powerful moving your body to music is when it comes to relieving tension and stress. Similar to yoga, which I talk about a bit later, this is not as much about skill as it is about your own practice. It’s not about whether you can pop it like Cardi or get in formation like Bey as it is about you forgetting about the world and who’s watching while you let the music move you. Close your eyes if you need to because again, it’s not about whose gaze is on your, it’s about what you feel and how you feel in your body. You can focus on movements that intentionally feel like they are shaking off negative energy and blockages. The more dancing you do (don’t hurt yourself though so know your limits if you have injuries and shit), the better you will feel throughout and afterwards. The more sweat you release, the more you are literally shedding the old to make room for the new. Take a dance class, dance with friends, go to the club, or dance alone in your house. Whatever feels right, just do it!


Ok so everyone isn’t keen on getting poked with dozens of little needles (depending on what your needs are) BUT, acupuncture can be super helpful for a variety of things (e.g. back pain, neck pain, migraines, fertility challenges, grief, focus, depression, etc.). Now, acupuncture isn’t always cheap. There are community options (meaning you’re in a room w/ other people in recliners usually) which can make it much more affordable. Private sessions, on the other hand, are an investment so keep that in mind if you’re pursuing this option for yourself. Private sessions can be more targeted and because of the added level of privacy, the placement of the needles can work on things like removing blockages we’re holding in reproductive areas. Again, ask around, do some research, check that bank account to see what it’s allowing you to do, then make the investment if you can.


Yes, I’ve mentioned these before and I will continue to do so, so get used to it! Talk to some folx, do your own research on the power of crystals and their uses (they aren’t all for everything so be intentional about what you’re seeking and get those). Get recommendations on where to purchase some and use them! Carry them with you, meditate with them, keep them on an altar, etc. There are plenty of stones that are specific for helping you either repel negative energy or clear out negative energy so do some research.


Another gem I heard at the event I mentioned earlier went something like this, “prayer is about talking, meditation is about listening.” I’ll wait while you let that sink tf in! If you didn’t just get your entire life from that then we can’t ever be friends (jk). But seriously, think about that for a minute (or a few) and really sit with what it means to meditate. Sure, you can ask questions but the work, the real work is in listening and being open for answers. Pick a mantra that speaks to you… something that you want to be really intentional about manifesting in your life and use that as a prompt. Then get comfortable, quiet and ready to receive. If it’s getting clear, then focus on clarity & removing metaphorical debri.


Yes, ORGASM! Clutch your pearls, do whatever you have to do to deal with issues of repressed sexuality but, have a freaking orgasm. Shucks, have as many as you can in the safest, funnest, most exciting, most relaxing, most guaranteed ways you can. Orgasms (if you are able) release certain chemicals (hormones) into your bloodstream that promote feelings of euphoria, closeness, connectedness and obviously, pleasure. NOTE: these lovely orgasms I’m encouraging you to have do not have to occur with a partner. Saying it again for the people in the cheap seats: THESE ORGASMS DO NOT HAVE TO OCCUR WITH A PARTNER!! Self-love is some of the best love.


So I know you hear this from me (and probably from others) a lot but serious, take some yoga classes. Yoga is about your own practice; not so much about how flexible you are or whether you can hold the perfect downward dog position. It’s about quieting your brain, focusing your intentions, dedicating your practice, challenging yourself, BREATHING, releasing & receiving energy, sweating your ass off, using muscles you didn’t know were there, and being grateful. Bonus points for doing hot yoga! Talk about clearing energy and literally sweating out toxins. Fellow yoga student tip: WEAR EXTRA DEODORANT!!

These are not necessarily things a lot of people traditionally associate with dealing with trauma, right? I mean, certain people are down with all this eastern medicinal practice and earth magic type of stuff  but for others, it might be a little challenging to venture out of your norm. I always say, do your research, ask some people who have done these things, talk with your doctor to clear you if you have some medical/physical concerns, and open your mind to the possibilities of healing. It comes in different forms and frankly, there’s no one right way to journey to your healing.

Bonus points for combining some of these practices <3.  For example, I meditate with my crystals.  Sometimes I do yoga with my rose quartz crystal around my neck. I meditated during one of  my reiki sessions.  I danced during a Beyonce-inspired yoga class last Friday.  There’s even orgasmic meditation! It’s called OM. Look it up to see if there’s a place in your area that specializes in this. If you got to an informational session and like what you’re hearing, go get your OM on and message me about your experience. I’d love to hear it.  

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