black angel moms, grief & loss, Trauma of it all, Trying to figure this all out

Just When You Thought You Were Cool..

October is Pregnancy & infant Loss Awareness Month

It’s PAIL Awareness Month y’all! For those who are unfamiliar, PAIL stands for Pregnancy and Infant Loss and encompasses all perinatal loss from early miscarriage to SIDS.  It’s a time where there are many options for angel parents to honor, memorialize and acknowledge their lost little one’s in a very public way. In fairness, this can be hella triggering for folx even if you thought you were past this point. 

I started over a year ago and am now observing my 2nd PAIL Awareness month. I’m going to include a few links to some oldies (well, they’re not really that old because it was just a year ago) but goodies that never stop being relevant. I’m also going to include some new stuff and new reflections at 365+ days.

7 Ways to Honor Your Angel

Grief Bursts… They’re a Thing

What You Can Do for PAIL Awareness Month

What to Do When You Feel Like Nobody Cares Anymore

I’m going to keep it real with y’all, this year isn’t really any easier (for me) than last year at this time. I honestly thought I would be WAY cooler at handling the feelings coming up this month than I am. It’s odd because it’s not as though the girls aren’t consistently on my mind anyway but for some reason, the increased focus on loss for so many folx, is sometimes overwhelming. Of course, I didn’t think I was magically healed but dag! Just when I thought I was cool.. I’m kind of a mess some days. That’s a little scary to say actually. But you know what? It’s just true and I’m all about being transparent with you because it’s important to be true to the experience.  As I move through this month, I’ve been aware of little signals my body, mind & soul are giving me that may be coming up for you. Check them out below & see if you notice any within yourself or your loved ones. If you do, be kind, offer support, double-up on self-care, and seek any support you feel you need.

  • Irritability: Idk about you but my fuse is VERY short some days. I’m not proud of that and I am well aware of it so I’m doing my best to manage. It’s not as much as feeling of annoyance as it is a feeling of being unsettled which can put anyone on edge. 
  • Tearfulness: You may feel more tearful than usual. I was watching a show on a kids network the other day and there’s a song about parents saying goodbye to their children FOR THE DAY but for me, it was THE SADDEST song to me! It made me cry because I obviously started to think about saying goodbye to Aviva & Jora and all the feels around that. You may find yourself moved to tears at times that do not seem to warrant it or that seem out of context.
  • Heaviness: This is literally a feeling of being weighed down. It may be emotionally, spiritually, physically and/or energetically. Heavy emotions and feelings can sometimes literally feel like a weight on your chest, neck or back. It can make you feel sleepy, lazy, sad, stifled and flat out, depressed. For me, this is highly related to some of the intense stories of loss I’ve been exposed to recently and the reminders of my own story. Collective sorrow is heavy af!
  • Distractibility: Call it lack of focus, inattention, or whatever but keeping focused on certain things can feel like such a chore. The brain wanders sometimes and I find myself thinking about everything and nothing depending on the day. The good thing is that I can focus when I really need to for work and family obligations but in less structured time… 

This is far from an exhaustive list but these are the things I notice coming up for me during PAIL awareness month that I think you too may have coming up. I share this with you all to encourage you to pay attention to what your body needs. Take time to step away from triggers if you need to, call a or your therapist and make an appointment (or several), engage in traditional and non-traditional forms of self-care, reach out to friends (and friends, reach out to your angel parent friends), have some cuddle time, eat your favorite meal and above all else, be kind to yourself. Light your candles for the Wave of Light coming up, do your walk, get that tattoo, paint those nails, create your altar, kiss those photos. Sending all the love, all the light and all the healing vibes your way <3 <3.

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