Welp! We’re in a pandemic. Can you believe it?! It all seems so surreal sometimes… things seem normal-ish, but then weird asf the moment you step outside your home.
I know a lot of people had high hopes for 2020. Maybe you were hoping for a reset of some sort; a new way of ushering in this year of your life that involved taking more chances, doing the things you’d been holding back from, of getting closure from some situation you’ve been doing the hokey pokey with for years. I can almost guarantee, your idea of entering in a new decade didn’t involve wearing masks, outside being closed, or excessive loss of life. Whether you’ve been touched directly by the COVID pandemic, or indirectly by simply witnessing the collective grieving of others, the heaviness in the air is palpable… difficult to ignore.
We’re almost at the halfway mark for the year and already, lives have been forever changed. In the midst of shouldering your individual grief around being a loss parent, so many are also triggered deeply by the amount of death around them. If you know me, you know I talk about death and loss in both the literal sense, and the figurative. Broadening our understanding of death, grief, and loss is crucial to full honoring of ourselves as we walk our individual journeys.
IT’S SUPER HARD TO WALK A JOURNEY WHEN THE GROUND KEEPS SHIFTING UNDER YOUR FEET!
Have you ever felt like the moment you think you have a handle on something, something else comes along and knocks you off your square? Like you plan something out, and then have to alter plans two, three, TEN times until it no longer resembles what you originally set out to do?
It can be challenging to find your center when the views of up or down are convoluted.
I was a ballet dancer for years growing up. One thing we learned and were consistently reminded of when doing pirouettes was to spot. Find a space at the front of the stage to fix your gaze. This helped with balance, keeping your spins controlled, AND making sure you didn’t end clumsily facing the wrong direction. Spotting was INVALUABLE. In addition to helping to perfect the appearance of pirouettes, it also prevents the dancer from getting dizzy and disoriented as the world spins. If you haven’t done this, I encourage you to watch a ballerina or male ballet dancer do a series of pirouettes. Specifically, watch their heads. There is a steadiness… a whip as they turn but a stop as they find whatever that thing is they are looking at to keep them centered… steady… grounded as the world turns.
Finding your center, your calm within a storm, your stable ground, your peace, is necessary to navigate your loss parent/angel parent status in general, and even more so at this time. SO many things are shifting; challenging all of our senses of self, stability, and comfort. I recently finished More Myself by Alicia Keys. So many gems in this book y’all! One that sticks out as pertinent here is her learning that the things she thought were stable, never really were. The things she thought would stay still and wanted to stay still for her own comfort were AND HAD ALWAYS BEEN, shifting.
In my opinion, this is true for all of us. The metaphorical (and literal actually) ground under our feet is always moving. Sometimes the shifting is slow and steady, giving the appearance of stability and sameness. Other times, it’s jolting like an earthquake and we’re left sorting through the rubble in its wake. I don’t know whether 2020 and this pandemic has been a slow shift or a disruptive earthquake for you but I want to offer you some ideas for finding your center.
- Find or identify something that brings you a sense of calm and DO IT OFTEN!
- Make time to connect with your body in whatever way feels best. Be sure to LISTEN to what it’s saying to you.
- Get quiet. You do not have to fill all your time with noise, people, or busyness. BE WITH YOU!
- Create space that is reflective of your spirit; even if that just the corner of a room. MAKE IT YOUR OWN and spend time there.
- NURTURE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS with people who feed your soul.
- BREATHE DEEPLY… OFTEN. Stop “sipping on air” as Iyanla would say.
- GIVE VOICE TO THINGS THAT NEED SAYING. Communicate openly and authentically with yourself and others.
This isn’t an exhaustive list, but I hope it will help to get you started on finding your calm in this storm. “You have gotten YOU through everyday thus far”. Iyanla said this in a recent FB live and it was a WORD! Always remember that you have made it through a lot. Stumbling, falling down, laid out… but you’ve kept going and that says a whole lot about who you are.
Sending my <3 as always.