grief & loss, Laugh through the pain, Trauma of it all, Uncategorized

There is NO Safe Zone!

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*Language Warning so if you’re offended by curses, pick another post ;-)*

This post is going to be short and sweet because the truth is always more concise.  I heard about a study that found people who lie use more words overall than people who tell the truth.  Makes sense, right? The truth doesn’t need embellishment but lies surely do!  I was part of a short discussion about safe zones and people feeling like they’re out of the woods once they get past 12 weeks. The question was whether people who know better should tell others that belief is just not factual and whether that was wrong to do.

So this whole “safe zone”, “made it out the first trimester so I’m good” BS is just that, bullshit! I would say excuse my language but actually, don’t. Accept it in all its glory.  There is no safe zone! Let me say it again for the people in the cheap seats, THERE IS NO SAFE ZONE!!!! I know that sounds scary and cynical and pessimistic but it’s really just the truth.  There are stages of your pregnancy where the risk for certain conditions that would end your pregnancy are higher.  That’s a fact.  In your first trimester, chromosomal abnormalities (Trisomy’s) usually manifest and are the cause of a significant amount of miscarriage. That’s likely why people think that if you make it out of that stage, you’re good to go.  On one hand, sure, your  baby likely doesn’t have problems with Trisomy 18 or 13 (both of which can result in miscarriage or early infant death shortly after birth) or 21 (commonly known as Down’s Syndrome) but there are many, many, MANY other things that can and do go wrong for folx.  You can look any of this up on your favorite medical site btw.

We experienced (p)PROM: Pre-term Premature Rupture of Membranes.  This happens between 16-20 weeks when it occurs. Babies born due to (p)PROM have a much lower chance of surviving because they’re not at the age of viability (24 weeks) when they’re born.  This is commonly from an infection of some sort BUT guess what?  Sometimes it just happens and there is NO EXPLANATION!   Yeah, that’s the boat we’re in.  Regular PROM happens later and is the cause of many premature births.

Other things like placental abruption (placenta separates from the uterine wall), blood clots in the umbilical cord (depriving the baby of oxygen), sudden heart stoppage w/o clear explanation and so many other things can happen at different points throughout your pregnancy all the way up until and during delivery.  During this journey I have met women who were 28, 35, and 40 weeks (and so many other points) who have all lost their children for various reasons unexpectedly.  Many had already had baby showers and began or completed decorating a nursery and had to come home to all of that with no baby.  It’s heartbreaking and what’s worse is that people keep telling us that all we have to do is “make it out of the first trimester.”  Well I call bullshit! Stop telling people that shit, stop making it seem like some of these things are so uncommon because really, having a healthy baby is a crap shoot . Even after they’re born, so many things can happen so you never really enter a “safe zone” or period where you are past the point that something horribly wrong could befall your little one.  I’m not saying all this to encourage people to live in a place of fear but I am saying it to encourage us all to stop living in and reinforcing some fairytale about pregnancy.  It does a disservice (IMO) to people trying to get pregnant and those who unfortunately become part of this angel parent club.  It’s sucky and shocking and I’ve heard all too often, “I thought we were in the clear.” There is no “clear” folx!  

Stop telling lies to people  and only talking about the common complications like pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes. I know ignorance is bliss and maybe I’m being a Deb (as in debbie downer) but it is what it is. Some people would welcome the knowledge of these things before hearing them from some doc as they wait for the funeral home director. Nobody wants that life.

Ok, rant over.

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