7 Gems - You're Welcome, Laugh through the pain, TTC (trying to conceive), Uncategorized

Thin Line Between Love & Hate

*Singing* It’s a thin line…. Between love and hate!  Check out my list below of 7 things you used to love but now you hate or you used to hate but now you love.  Wanting, making and having babies can change some thangs!

Your Period 

I think most of us have seen those Buzzfeed articles listing 30 things all people with periods can relate to by now. They’re hilarious and SO true! Like every, single thing listed  is me, has been me and will be me again. Having a separate bag of “feminine hygiene products”, trying to unwrap a pad quietly, examining what’s in the toilet after a heavy flow, looking at the murder scene on your hand when you remove your menstrual cup, checking our pants for bloodstains if you’ve been sitting too long, oh the joys… I can remember being so annoyed with my period and either wanting it to hurry up and come to get it over with or to end early or to even skip a month or something.  When you’re ttc, your period becomes your new best friend! You can’t wait for that mess to start and you’ll be counting the days so you can get this party started. Funny how things change.

Your Uterus 

Going along w/ your period, sometimes you uterus literally feels like it hates you. And sometimes, that feeling is mutual because it can feel like you’re being stabbed a few times a month.  I still to this day don’t really know why some people have worse cramps than others but I can empathize with the fleeting thought of, “just take it out”.  Well, I could empathize with it until I was certain I wanted to have children and became more serious about not putting things I don’t want to happen, into the universe. There are plenty of people who cannot have children because of uterine challenges and I began to pay more attention to making light of something that many people wish they could experience.  So even though sometimes I’m still telling my uterus to chill out, I’m so grateful for it and love it so much for housing my daughters and hopefully, my future children.

Breast Milk & Engorgement  

So I think I’ve mentioned this before but having your breasts be huge and full of milk is probably one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced. I know that it doesn’t usually stay that uncomfortable and if you have babies nursing, the pain and engorgement starts to dissipate but geesh! I used to LOVE big boobs. I even briefly (very briefly) entertained breast implants.  But let me tell you something, when my milk came in!!!!  My boobs were so huge and hard that they looked like missiles and I just wanted the pain to stop.  That totally cured me of any lingering ideas about implants in the future. When I think back on it though, and even in those moments, I just wanted to be able to feed my babies.  I was and am actually super proud of my body for making nourishment for my girls even though they weren’t actually here to benefit from it. I can only hope that my body does just as well the next time around.

Extra Weight   

I lost some weight before getting pregnant and I continued to lose it when I was pregnant because I was so sick. I’ve never really been a person focused on the numbers on the scale but I did want to make an effort to make healthier choices for myself.  That was the catalyst for me inadvertently losing weight.  Though I wasn’t focused on the scale, I was focused on how I felt in my clothing and outside of it.  Sometimes I was pleased, sometimes I wasn’t.  But when I got pregnant and started losing weight, I was grateful for the extra “storage” I had on my body! I think I might have been in the hospital if I didn’t have extra weight to sustain me and my babies with the way I was unable to eat.  The smell of damn near everything almost made me vomit so I was thankful my reserves didn’t have me completely looking like Gollum from Lord of the Rings.

Snatched Waist  

Before I got pregnant, one of my goals was to get more “snatched”.  I love that silhouette on a womyn. It’s not about what size per say, but the right boob-to-waist-to-hip ratio is everything.  I used to have that in the way I wanted it. I got older and less worried about it so my ratio went down. Then it started to show up more like I wanted right around the time I got pregnant.  All those thoughts about how “snatched” I wanted to look went away and I couldn’t wait to see my growing belly.  One of the most devastating things happened though.  I lost my babies early. So just went I was starting to see the bump of twins, within two days my stomach had flattened out to smaller than it was before I got pregnant.  I was SNATCHED hunty! Snatched and depressed af.

Working Out 

Ugh so this is a tough one because I kinda still hate it BUT I understand the benefits and would do anything now to keep myself in better condition for my future children.  I used to hate to work out.  Run?! Did you just curse at me!? It was literally like an insult if someone asked me about working out, running, shoot, even eating salad. Some of that is because of how I have traditionally maintained my desired body type.  I’m a dancer. I’ve always been a dancer of various kinds but that was my form of exercise.  Going to a gym or running outside was just not my cup of tea so when I got older and realized how scarce dance classes w/ the type of structure I was used to, for adults are, it was kind of shock.  I just didn’t want to do it.  I have since found other dance classes, started my own dance class (if you’re in the Philly area I’ll probably be teaching again w/in the next year so follow me), gotten used to (and dare I say, started to look forward to) running, and I get a kick out of doing it with my partner sometimes.  I used to hate it with a passion but now, I hate it less.  Can’t say I love it but yeah, I definitely hate it less =).

Your Partner

 

Betcha didn’t expect that one! This one fluctuates and it isn’t exactly a “i love you” or “I hate yo ass” kind of thing but more so a “I can’t get close enough to you” AND a “you’re really getting on my nerves” kind of thing. I love my partner. Always have, always will.  Some days I feel like all I want to do is be all up under her.  Then I got pregnant and SO many things annoyed me. Particularly around food. The smell of hard boiled eggs, chicken cooking and garlic… Ugh she always smelled like garlic! I couldn’t understand it but I realized that we actually cook w/ a lot of garlic so I probably smell like that too but just don’t usually notice it. After we lost our girls, I clung to her like white on rice. It was weird actually because I’m a very independent person. I’m an only child so I’m used to having alone time but I literally didn’t want her to ever leave my side.  This is actually pretty common and after talking w/ some other angel mom’s, I’ve learned that it happens to a lot of us.  My partner still gets on my nerves sometimes (as I do hers, I’m sure), but we have a good thing going. If this happens to you, just let your partner know your mood will likely change in a few days. Just give it time.

 

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