Here’s What I Want You to Know

I’ve been having conversations recently (with myself and others; don’t judge me for talking to myself) to help ground, support, and facilitate some healing. I decided to make another 7 gem list to share with you & add some resources below to help you on your journey to healing.  Check it out:

1. You did NOTHING to deserve this experience.  Do your hear me? You have done NO THING to deserve the loss of your child.
2. If you want to be/think of yourself this way, you’re STILL A MOM/PARENT. You little one being physically here doesn’t negate that fact.
3. There’s NO TIMELINE on your grief. I don’t care if it’s been a week or it’s been 10 years. If you feel sad or your grief feels palpable, it’s not necessarily abnormal.
4. Therapy IS NOT a dirty word. There’s been a big push recently especially in the Black Mental Health world to address how We view mental health supports. There is NO SHAME IN SEEING A THERAPIST. We all need some help sometimes and perinatal loss can wreak havoc on your emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental health so don’t shy away from it.
5. It IS NOT CREEPY to keep pictures or mementos of your little one. Someone once said to me that they thought it was a bit morbid. Listen, everyone is entitled to their feelings AND my girls picture is prominently displayed in our home. They were beautiful in life and are beautiful in spirit. Sure, seeing their faces sometimes makes me tearful but I also see how beautiful they were and I am reminded that they were actually alive in the photos we have. If you want those pictures up or you want to look at them; DO IT.
6. It’s ok to CHECK PEOPLE on their nonsense as it relates to your grief. No one can or should tell you how to feel. Also, advocating for yourself and what’s helpful to hear/have happen in your world post-lost is a form of SELF-CARE! Boundaries are important, people aren’t mind readers, and we teach people how to treat us. They gon’ learn TODAY!
7. This kind of love is EVERLASTING. No matter how long it’s been, how many other children you may have, what happens in your life in terms of how you make meaning of your grief, your love for your little one doesn’t go away. Remember them, it keeps their memory alive & sends love waves throughout the universe.

Looking for a sistah-therapist to work with? Check out Therapy for Black Girls where you can find people like myself with a variety of specialties.

https://www.therapyforblackgirls.com/therapist-directory/

Looking for a spiritually-centered podcast headed up by a Black woman? Check out Sisters in Loss.

https://www.ericammcafee.com/podcast

https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/erica-m-mcafee-podcast

Looking for a journal to use on your healing journey through potential post-partum depression or anxiety? Check out Recovery State of Mind put out by the Shades of Blue Project.

http://shadesofblueproject.org/recovery-state-of-mind-journal.html