I want to talk to you all about privilege. We all have it to some degree and even people who feel like they are the under-privileged, may have some level of privilege when they really think about it. It can come in many forms and today folx, I’ve got to mention fertility treatment privilege.
To be honest, I’ve gotten a bit used to this grief-stricken place since losing my girls. I’ve gotten used to feeling like we got the shitty end of the stick and that everyone else seems to be able to get pregnant, have their babies and move on. I had a moment in the bathroom (where I get a lot of bright ideas) when I realized this sneaky level of privilege that I hadn’t acknowledged having. We, my partner & I, have fertility treatment privilege. I’m gonna give you a few reasons why:
Fertility treatments can be expensive af.
If you have to go the IVF route, depending on your state, that is not covered by insurance. So guess what? I’m talking 5-digit figures so get ready to make it rain on that clinic. When I tell y’all that my card declined as though my bank was like, “bitch what?!”, I’m not joking. I had to call them from the clinic to raise the transaction cap for the day.
Also, co-pays. So let’s say you can go the IUI (Intra-Uterine) insemination route. You still have to pay a co-pay for every visit during your “monitoring” and you may also have the cost of medications to help with stimulation. It adds up and everybody doesn’t have it like that.
Speaking of Insurance…
Everybody does not have insurance! Sometimes it’s a perk of having a full time job but sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes people are unemployed. Sometimes people can’t afford to have insurance taken out of their check or their co-pays are so high for specialty visits that they only access those services when they have to.
People have medical conditions
There are folx who have medical conditions that make it impossible for them to gestate and birth babies. Some people may have been been pregnant before, had a traumatic loss and then been required to have an emergency hysterectomy so any chance of carrying is eliminated. Uterine, ovarian and cervical cancers can cause challenges with reproduction too (have you gotten your HPV test btw?).
Relationships don’t allow for medical intervention
This may be hard to believe but there are some couples or members of a couple who refuse to have medical intervention in conception. This could be religion-based, cultural or just personal preference but bottom line, it exists. Using donor sperm, undergoing surgical procedures to remove & fertilize eggs, taking medication to stimulate ovulation, etc. can all be no-no’s in some people’s books. Think about what that must be like for folx who want to conceive.
I say all this to drive home the point that even though you may be having a rough time conceiving, there are many people for which what you’re doing isn’t even an option. Check your privilege. It doesn’t mean you’re not struggling too but don’t act like what you’ve been through is the worst thing in the world because that’s subjective and frankly… it’s not. I’m just saying….